just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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