Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i believe in u and ur pee
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