Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
