I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
