So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
