I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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