You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
