I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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