On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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