To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
