Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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