I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
