omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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