hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize