Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
