I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you would pick up someone in the library
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
