Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
