We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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