There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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