Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
