now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
