she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
