You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
