For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
