my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
