Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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