I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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