It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
