You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
