My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
