Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
