Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
