I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
