I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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