I want to stick my p in your. b.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
