I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize