My hair reeks of homosexuality.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize