Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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