So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
