I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
