how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
