His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
