i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
home. puking in laundry basket.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
