I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
