I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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