gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
