the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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