Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
