I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
