I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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