Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
