I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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