wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i came on her dog
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize