I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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