his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
