I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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