He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
