I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
