dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think my moral compass just broke
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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