Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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