so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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