Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
