Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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