Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
