Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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