He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
there is glitter all over my balls
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