Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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