If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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