..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
