You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
