I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You took a bar mat shot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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