oh god the rape fog is back!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
