Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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