I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ladies don't puke and tell
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
