unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize