the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
