I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What a dumb baby whore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
