Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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