Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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