Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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