So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The air was thick with penises
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a āfireplaceā station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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