got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
