I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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