I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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