Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
