I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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