ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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