I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
