operation have a gay friend backfired
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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