Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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