Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
