I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
