I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My vagina is very pro this idea
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
