You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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