Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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