I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
